Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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