omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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