He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
