I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
