On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
