Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
