He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
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Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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