if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
