i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I want to stick my p in your. b.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
