I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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