I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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