Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
