Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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