I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
