I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
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She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
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Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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