if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
