After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
