Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
