If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
