i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
