i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
