Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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