Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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