are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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