Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
