If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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