Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
