Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
