forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
