Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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