is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
