You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
