I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
