Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
