i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
