The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
