ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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