my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
