He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
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Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
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Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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