Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
