i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
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he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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