Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
