I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
