U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.