I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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