I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
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Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
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It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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