Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
