Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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