I just threw up on my dentist
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
