I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
