I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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