Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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