just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
