Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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