I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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