Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
