Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You can't special order awesome
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
