Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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