I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
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You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
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when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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