I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
