Banned from zoo.
Again?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
