Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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