Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
